Tongs, which are made with tongs

"Ten things were created on Sabbath Eve, at twilight... Tongs, which are made with tongs."
Pirkei Avos (Ethics of our Fathers) 5:8

The last thing G-d created, in the moments before Shabbos, was a pair of tongs. Why a pair of tongs? Tongs are used for holding hot objects. It is impossible to make tongs if you don't have tongs available. So G-d made tongs for us. The lesson learned is; G-d wants us to finish His work, therefore He gave us the tools to do so. We have been empowered to form our own destiny, by the choices we make in life.

You act wisely, make good choices, are polite and kind, dress and speak respectably, you are bound to be treated as a respectable person. You go to school, learn a trade, work hard at becoming good at it, you are bound to be able to make a good living. We invest in ourselves, and reap the benefits.

A women is trying to conceive, or is pregnant, she is empowered to make good choices. She can choose to eat well, take supplements as necessary, drink lots of water, be in a good frame of mind, she is bound to have a great pregnancy and a healthy baby. She learns how to birth with confidence and peace, she researches her options in regard to practitioners and birthing methods, she is bound to have a good birth. We have been given the first set of tongs, now go make your own.

I will not leave you here because I can hear the outcry already; What if a women does all that and ends up with an unfortunate circumstance? Did her preparation pay off? We can't write the book of our lives, we can only try to guide our destiny based on informed choices.

"The L-rd is my Shepherd, I shall lack nothing... Even if I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me." Tehillim (Psalms) chapter 23

G-d is our Shepherd and we are His faithful and trusting flock. We put our faith and trust in Him, knowing He is with us. Whatever my destiny, be it what I have foreseen, or not, I shall lack nothing, it is perfect for me. Sometimes I feel like I am walking in the valley of the shadow of death, yet I will have no fear, because fear is a sign of lack of trust.

My birth is perfect for me, my birth lacks nothing. My birth is the design of G-d, Who can paint a picture far more beautiful then I can ever imagine. The thought of fear of any sort does not have a place in my birth, because I have faith. No matter what turn my birth will take, be it foreseen or unforeseen, I will welcome it, knowing that this is the best birth for me.

This is incredibly hard for me to swallow. I am the type of person who is thrilled to be given the tongs. I will plan my birth to the last detail, of how long it will last, and how many times I will breath down until the birth of my baby. I will feel fine and have strength, in the safety and holiness of my home, to birth in comfort, surrounded by loving, supportive people. So the nagging 'but what if...' drives me crazy, it can't be 'what if...' it has to be just so, no one can steal my image of a perfect birth from me!

That's when I take a deep breath and say, "Why should I worry about the 'what if...'? The 'what if...' is for G-d to decide, He knows whats right for me, and that's how it will be." Then the 'what if...' fades away, leaving a feeling of warmth, protection and deep faith.

Keep an eye out for future posts on the topic of FEAR in labor and birth.

The Energy of a Surge

Thanks to a good friend Dr. Bob, I have become more in touch with the energy aspect of our lives.Dr Robert C. Bornstein wrote a book, 'Stressed in', which I am in the process of reading.

HypnoBirthing teaches us that we must welcome a surge, each surge has the tremendous ability of opening up and thinning the cervix, and later in labor, bringing the baby down through the birth path. A surge is a gift of healthy energy. The energy causes the uterus to be drawn up and open. The energy can be directed by us. As the energy level rises, we flow with it, relax into it, welcome it. Allowing the energy to reach it's potential. Each surge can accomplish a tremendous amount if we allow it to. Restraining or containing the energy causes the body to retain the energy and build up stress hormones. Stress tightens us up as we work on retaining energy, because we fear we wouldn't be able to handle it's potential strength. Essentially, we are working against ourselves, causing a greater buildup of energy and stress.

If the energy is directed in and through us, it can accomplish a tremendous amount. The imagery used in HypnoBirthing is: as the surge builds up, we fill a balloon with our breath, with our energy, and as the surge gradually releases, we release the balloon, allowing it to softly drift downwards as it deflates. However, if the energy is retained, by not allowing it to flow through us, picture balloon after balloon being filled with stressful energy, building up inside of us.

When the time comes to breath the baby down, the energy is guided downwards. Usually at this point the energy level rises, the surges become more powerful. Using the greater power of the stronger surges means directing your energy in a more meaningful way. The more energy that enters you, is the energy you will guide downwards with your breath. Imagine the energy flowing down from your throat, through your body, nudging the baby downwards through the birth path, and out. The length of the breath downwards is consistent with the energy levels that the surge brings.

I hope to follow up with more information about the energetic aspect of labor and birth as I progress through Dr. Bob's wonderful book.

Eve

Eve ate from the tree and was cursed to suffer in childbirth. This is the way most of us heard this story, and for many people, especially religious people, it is the reason why they do suffer in childbirth. It's time to take a closer look at this story.

A Chabad Rabbi, Rabbi Manis Friedman, explains: Eve had a choice to make, should she and her descendants continue living in the spiritual bliss of the Garden of Eden? The Garden was a place where G-d was revealed and His wishes were revealed, and therefore the thought of sin wouldn't occur to anyone. They could just fulfill G-d's Will forevermore, without any desire for something else, without temptation. Or should she eat from the tree and expose humankind to temptation and desire, to a place where G-d is thoroughly concealed, where the Wisdom and Will of G-d will be hidden in a book?

Eve chose to eat from the tree. She saw that her descendants will have the challenge of faith. The challenge to choose between what's right and what's easy. The challenge of believing in G-d and choosing to fulfill His Will.

So G-d gave her a challenge. Eve, along with all future mothers, was challenged to have such strong faith in G-d at the time of her greatest vulnerability. Faith that G-d created her with the ability to give birth. During labor, with each surge (contraction) she is given the choice; to choose to resist and tense against the surge, or to welcome and embrace it, allowing it to do it's job without resistance. This welcome embrace can only occur when she has such strong faith that she can do this, that she need not resist, for resisting is the response of fear and lack of faith in herself; 'I have to resist, for I am not strong enough to handle this surge'.

The name Eve in Hebrew is Chava, which means 'bringing forth life'. Another meaning to her name is Chaya: Life. In numerology the Y (yud = 10) in Chaya minus the V (vov = 6) in Chava equals D (dalet = 4). If that letter is added into the name Chava you end up with Chedva: bringing forth life with joy. As mothers let us celebrate for we have that opportunity; to bring forth life with joy!

Why I am blogging

My oldest son just turned three. My little one is two. My kids are the center of my life, they are delightful and beautiful, a mothers dream. I know that whatever they learn and who they are come from the environment that they are exposed to. My husband and I are their biggest influences, they learn manners, respect, how to express love, how to verbalize upset, from us. Then there are preschool, teachers, friends, and the anonymous individuals they encounter everywhere.

The first two years are the years when they learn the most, their brains are soaking in life skills that will accompany them throughout their lives. The first moments of learning take place in the womb. They feel when Mommy is calm or agitated, they hear loving and happy voices, or sad and angry voices. Their first exposure to life, however, is at the moment of birth.

A birth memory is a memory which is written on our psyche in indelible black marker. How does Mommy react to a contraction (or surge)? is she able to remain calm, does she welcome the experience? Was Daddy there? Did he reassure Mommy and help her remain focused and calm? Is Mommy making sure to breath properly so that I can get proper oxygen? After all, I am also working hard here. And as my head emerged, was there a harsh light that blinded me momentarily, or soft, dim lighting? Were there loud voices, or gentle, loving tones? Was I handled with love, on my Mommy's chest? Or was I scrubbed with a harsh cloth and left on a warming table on my own?

This birth memory is not just a memory for the baby, it's a memory for Mom as well. Was I empowered and strong? Did I remain calm and positive? Who was there and how were they treating me? Did they have faith in me? Did I have faith in myself? Did I have support and encouragement from the people around me? When a Mom is able to feel empowered and leave her birth exhilarated, this translates into how she perceives herself as a Mom. A Mom that leaves her birth saying, well, I will do better next time, has cheated herself out of life's most refreshing, rewarding and empowering experiences.

This is not a judgement on past births, rather this is a moment of introspection. If you are expecting, trying, or have a family member or friend who is expecting, you should take a moment to reflect, take a moment to return birth to it's proper place; in the hands, heart and faith of a mother.

It's important to take a moment to reflect of the amazing body G-d has given us. He created our body with the ability to conceive, without any assistance, our body knows just how to direct the process. He gave our body the knowledge to be able to nourish and grow a healthy baby, again, without any intervention. So why is it, when it comes to one of life's most beautiful and natural experiences, do we suddenly lose faith in our bodies, that we feel that we must hand this birth over to a 'professional' in order to have a healthy birth. Why is it that we so fear the pain? We fear complication? We believe that birth is a medical emergency?

There are instances where we have to thank G-d for giving wisdom to doctors and to medical research. We have the blessing of C-Section, which has saved many lives. We have the blessing of drugs that help stall pre-term labor, drugs that mature a pre-mature baby's lungs, drugs that induce labor when it is dangerous for it to continue, and drugs that stop hemorrhaging in it's tracks. There is medical equipment that can monitor a mother and baby, so we can know immediately when something, G-d forbid, goes wrong. Thing's don't go wrong in most labors, medical technology and drugs need not creep into a healthy labor. Unnecessary, intervention should be avoided at all costs, lest we cause a medical emergency by using it.

I do not claim to know much about what can go wrong. I do not claim to understand why some women need to be rescued in labor by the hands of a knowledgeable medical professional. All I can say is that no matter what happens to us, we have to have faith, faith that G-d is guiding the hands of the doctor, faith that we have the ability to pull through. We choose a midwife or doctor based on how much we believe in their ability to assist us in our goal of having a healthy birth and baby. We should put at least as much research and effort into choosing a doctor or midwife as we put into choosing a new car, or camera... After all we are entrusting our life and our baby's life in their professional hands.

In future posts, I will blog about a different approach to birth, an age old approach to birth which is being revived. An approach to Birth with Faith.